Sadness

My heart still hasn't had time to heal yet. I haven't had time to wrap my head around losing my Granny less than 3 years ago and now my Pa is gone. I don't do well with loss.
You see, I'm a crier. I big, big, big 'ole baby. Ask my husband and he'll tell you how easily it is for me to cry you a river. Now that I have a child, it's gotten worse. Things that are heartbreaking and sad make me upset so easily.
Knowing this about myself, I was a little surprised by the fact that I only teared up when I heard that my grandfather passed away on Saturday night. No doubt I was upset, but more than anything, I knew it would come. I knew the crying jag was imminent, but for some reason, it hadn't hit yet. When I saw how upset my mom was, I knew. God had given me strength for her.
Yesterday it hit. The levee broke. I was standing in my kitchen when Chad said, "you have GOT to come see this!" I stood and watched my baby boy who will turn 11 months old on Friday, walk completely across our bedroom by himself, then turn and walk into the livingroom. I stood there dumbstruck.....and completely lost it!!
Every emotion imaginable consumed me. Sadness for the loss of a man who played such a huge role in my life and at the same time, joy and awe at witnessing this little man who is my complete world, grow and learn!
Pa loved Beckett. He constantly said what a "pretty round head" he had. I guess seeing that pretty round head walk across my livingroom all by himself made me realize how much I wish he was still here to watch him grow up, and how much I wish my Granny could have seen him.
But that's what life is, right? Fragile and moving faster the older we get. I'm so fortunate to have had him all these years. I'm so grateful that he didn't suffer long. I know he's in a better place. A place free of pain.

Thank you to all my friends who have called, emailed, texted, brought food, hugs and prayers to all of us. We are so fortunate to not only have eachother, but so many wonderful people in all of our lives.
In times like these, I'm more grateful than ever for those close to me. I love you all.

Pa always sang this song when we were little. I really wanted to hear it today....

We all love and miss you Pa.  We love you "mosss-y"